What Foods These Morsels Be

(By Bax) They say that there are very few role models left in the world.  I reject that notion on principle.  The world is filled with appropriate role models.  For me, I have chosen to pay homage to my father-in-law.  My in-laws have been in my home since December 13th.  They are not scheduled to leave until January 14th.  That’s a full month for those of you who are keeping score.  While some people would consider such a visit to be completely intolerable, I have grown accustomed to these extended visits.  In fact, I actually look forward to them.

Why am I offering such a special encomium to my father-in-law after all of these years?  Simple.  The man is an animal.  Since his arrival on December 13th my father in law has plowed through no less than 6-dozen unglazed sour cream donuts from Donut Dip in East Longmeadow.  Today is January 3rd.  This means that during the last 22 days, my father-in-law has torn into a fresh dozen every 3.6 days.  That’s 3.27 donuts every day. Now THAT is impressive.

It is true that my children have had their share of these donuts as well.  But clearly the bulk of the Donut Dip consumption rest on the shoulders of my father-in-law who simply cannot get enough of these donuts.  Yes, they are delicious.  But Donut Dip has 49 different varieties of these delicious sugary confections.  In my father-in-law’s world–choices are over-rated.  The sour cream doughnut stands alone as the king in Donut Dip’s large arsenal of mouth-watering delights.  It is the perfect food.  It represents all that he enjoys in life.

Today another box arrived.  My father in law became weepy eyed as the only thing that stood between him and another doughnut was a single piece of Scotch tape that had kept he box closed during its long journey home.

Despite the overwhelming temptation I have maintained incredible restraint.  In the last 22 days I haven’t had a single doughnut.  I’m almost afraid to.  (Not because I don’t love those damn things.  It’s because I’m afraid he’ll cut me with a butter knife)  As a result, I have avoided the temptation and have refused to be sucked into Donut Dip’s powerful allure.

My in-laws will be here for another two weeks.  There’s no telling how many more dozen he will get through during his stay.  I’m predicting that he’ll get though at least another half-dozen.  I will keep you posted.

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