WARNING! Don’t Ask Scottie Pippen for His Autograph…EVER!!!

Scottie Pippen

(By Baxie) I’m not one to brag but I’m generally a peace loving guy. I avoid all kinds of uncomfortable confrontations. I reject physical violence of any kind. More importantly, no matter how much I am taunted, intimidated, bullies, hazed, razzed, or ridiculed…I am mostly likely not going to be the one to throw the first punch. Why? Because at the end of the day, I am a tremendous coward–especially if there’s a chance that I could sustain a series of painful boo-boos. This is why you would (almost) never see me approach a guy like Scottie Pippen for an autograph. That guy’s a psychotic nutcase!

By now, I’m sure that you have all heard the story about former Chicago Bull and Basketball Hall of Famer Scottie Pippen beating the crap out of some dude last month simply for having the audacity to ask him for an autograph for his girlfriend’s 12 year old son. Granted, the guy asked Scottie for the autograph while he was eating dinner at a nice restaurant. But even still! It’s not like the guy asked Scottie to pick up his tab. He just wanted to have Scottie stop thinking about his dinner and his family for just a moment and sign something for a 12 year old boy (which, by the way, he did not do). Yesterday the victim of this savage attack, 49-year old Camran Shafighi filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court against Scottie Pippen to the tune of $4 million for what his attorney describes as “a brutal and unjustified physical attack”. The truth is that Scottie laid this guy out with just one punch. I’m sure that ruined everybody’s dinner. This means that Scottie Pippen has to somehow fight this guy in court OR somehow come up with all of that money! Listen folks, if you saw me (a beloved local radio celebrity) out with my family having dinner at a nice restaurant I would be happy to give you my autograph…for a fee, of course. I mean, I’m not giving myself away here.

The point that I’m making is that I’m not going to say no (unless you don’t pay).  Even if you try to bargain the price, I’m probably not going to hit you in the face and knock you unconscious. That’s what separates a guy like me from a guy like Scottie Pippen. Sure his signature may be more valuable. But mine is far less dangerous.

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