(By Baxie) According to state law it is illegal to touch, inadvertently bump, or accidentally endure physical contact with a professional stripper while they are on the clock. First of all, gliding down a brass pole takes laser-like focus. Once false misstep and her entire career giving lap dances could be in jeopardy. Now, I don’t know if the same legislative statutes apply to an adult party bus. However, the ambiguity in the law should not give a patron the right to misbehave during the woman’s performance–no matter how many ping-pong balls she’s out of her self.
Sadly, many who appreciate this form of highbrow entertainment do not embrace this level of self-restraint. For example, had Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones been at home nursing his injured MCL like he was told to by doctors, he wouldn’t have been the subject of a fascinating TMZ.com story yesterday which detailed how he was beaten over the head by a champagne bottle wielding stripper known as “Sweet Pea” over the weekend. The result of which turned an innocent bus party into a fist-wielding brawl that ended the party far too soon. It also left many to wonder what Jacoby Jones might have done to provoke Sweet Pea to hit him over the head with an Ace of Spades champagne bottle? These questions may never be answered.
All we do know is that Jacoby Jones loves strippers and has become quite a connoisseur of the craft of stripping. This is evident by his involvement in the Minnesota Vikings Sex cruise from a few years ago where he grabbed a stripper, placed her on the bar and began to perform an unnatural act upon her. (An act that might have required the use of an Altoid or a soft bristled tooth brush). You may also recall that last year Jones has been sued for $375,000 in unpaid strip club bills. In my estimation this might be the greatest travesty of them all by showing such blatant disregard for those who make their living by grinding their pelvises for that last $1 bill.
Yet, it is undeniable that the man loves his strippers. Of course if would probably be more productive concentrating on football, or in this case, the rehabilitation of a wounded knee. But hey, the man’s just been clunked in the head with a bottle. Now is not the time to offer things like reason or to suggest using good judgment. I think we might be beyond that.