Hey, remember back many years ago BEFORE OJ Simpson was a bloodthirsty killer? Once upon a time, OJ Simpson was a Hall of Fame running back for the Buffalo Bills. And back then, he could run away from anything. Defensive players, car rental agents, domestic violence charges…anything! Well folks, today OJ Simpson is a free man—released from a Nevada prison after serving nine years for trying to unsuccessfully steal his own memorabilia from a Las Vegas hotel. Yes, he may have been accused of killing two people in cold blood. But that was years ago. Now he can get back into society and finally hunt down the real killers.
Now that he’s out, this leads me to a couple of interesting questions. First, who picked him up? Seems to me that agreeing to pick up OJ Simpson up from prison is perhaps the ultimate act of loyalty. After serving 9 years in prison and having been accused of stabbing his ex-wife and her friend and THEN breaking into a hotel with a gun, I’d probably tell OJ to find his own ride home. Secondly, where is his home exactly? Where the hell is that guy going? I can’t think of too many hotels willing to take the risk of renting him a room. Nor can I think of too many people that he hasn’t already killed willing to offer him space on the couch!
And now OJ Simpson is a free man. (Free as any 70-year-old man can be after 9 years in prison) Think of the things that OJ has missed out on. In 9 years, he’s been unable to download any of the latest updates on his first-generation iPhone. The last time he used Netflix, they were still mailing out DVD’s to his house in Brentwood. And oh yeah, that house in Brentwood has since been demolished. He’s too old to get a job. His knees are all banged up. He’s probably suffering from the results of too many concussions. The truth is, OJ Simpson, you, me, the rest of society, and anyone looking to return a pair of sunglasses are probably better off if he had just stayed in prison. Sadly, they can’t keep you there forever…. not unless you do something really bad. And I think that it could be just a matter of time.