Seeking Damages!

Seeking Damages!

(By Baxie) As a football fan, I am a tender snowflake. I wallow in unstable weakness and vulnerability. I am a tender buttercup consumed with a delicate lapse of aggressiveness. I have a deficient appetite for assuming responsibility my actions.  I am frail, fragile, and feeble. I lack the ability to avoid situations that hurt my feelings. I am debilitated by the harsh cruelties and cold insensitivities of life.  I am a football fan. And my team of high priced attorneys will do whatever they can to wage a pallid and anemic fight to seek ways in which I have been damaged by the insensitivity of the NFL.

Therefore, I fully support the lawsuit filed by one New Orleans Saints fan who has not yet been able to recover from the hurtful protests that have stained this entire NFL season.  According to Saints fan, Lee Dragna, he is a season ticket holder who has not attended a single game since Week 2 when many of the Saints players failed to stand during the National Anthem. According to the Lawsuit, Dragna claims that he bought these tickets for “the entertainment and intellectual enjoyment” for himself and for his family. He claims that he would NEVER have bought into the Saints season ticket package had he known that the players would use “Saints football as a platform for protests”

Good for you, sir.  Clearly, your investment into Saints football has been indelibly stained by these hurtful Constitutionally protected protests demanding an end of police brutality and institutional racism. I can clearly see how you’ve been personally damaged by the blatant disregard for our national anthem. Your delicate personal outrage far outweighs the nearly 400 years of oppression, brutality, and inequality felt by some of these knee-sitting football players. I say, you toss everything you have into this lawsuit. And let the chips fall where they may! In this case I’m sure that you’ll be able to recover dozens of dollars in personal damages.  And when that happens (or it gets tossed out of court—which ever comes first) you will finally be heard. And isn’t that all that really matters?

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