(By Baxie) Having spent the last two days talking about the impressive physical girth and length of a dog’s penis, I find it somewhat ironic (yet completely coincidental) that this week also happened to be the 142nd Westminster Dog Show in New York City. This is the annual event where dogs from around the country compete to become “Best in Show”. And while everybody around the world is “ooing” and “ahhhing” over each of the adorable champion breeds (from your cuddliest tea-cup poodle to your enormous Alaskan Malamutes), I think we’re all quite aware of which dog holds the most impressive credentials. That dog happens to be Wally, the enormously well endowed freak of nature currently housed by Steve Nagle.
Last night, the Westminster Dog Show was won by Flynn, a five year Bichon Frise who, at 15 pounds, is the approximate size and weight of Steve Nagle’s dogs entire package. And yet, in spite of the competition amongst the other dog categories, Flynn is probably walking around feeling pretty cocky about himself—unaware that there is a certain dog in Huntington, Massachusetts that could knock over an entire kennel of Borzoi’s just by lifting a leg and letting ‘er rip.
I know that there are plenty of you who love your miniature dogs from the non-sporting group. (Your Pugs, your Chows, your Keshonds, your Spaniels, your Finnish Spitz) To me, a Bishon looks like something you’ve plucked out of an aspirin bottle your pinkie or a set of tweezers. It’s like its not even a real dog. A Bichon is a dog owned by people who afraid of owning a real dog, a big dog, a dog blessed with a glistening appendage the size of a Pacific Redwood—fueled by a passionate desire to hump anything within a 200-foot radius with his enormous broadsword of dangling fury! And you want to tell me that a powder-puff Bichon is the best that you can do? I’ve just seen the Washington Monument of dog genitals…and I’m supposed to be impressed with THAT?!? Please!!! I laugh in your face with a mocking tone of dismissiveness and condescension.