Baxie’s Prom Survival Guide

Baxie’s Prom Survival Guide

(By Baxie) As the father of teenage girls, I must tell you that there is no greater threat to the wholesome goodness of their youthful innocence than prom season.  As many of you know, we are in the beginning stages of watching our teenage offspring spend hundreds of dollars on dresses, tuxedos, corsages, boutonnieres, transportation, parking, beer, cigarettes, condoms, and what have you so that they can have the most memorable night of their young lives. Oh sure, our little children have now blossomed into young adults with their percolating hormones bursting wildly out of control only to find that dad will be wide awake all night long waiting for YOU to get home!

And yet, for some reason—there has been an internet frenzy created this weekend by former NFL kicker Jay Feely who posed for a pre-prom photograph with his lovely daughter and her boyfriend while holding a pistol in his hands. Feely then posted the picture on Twitter saying, “Wishing my beautiful daughter and her date a great time at the prom”.  The picture has since sparked outrage from thousands of gun-hating, 2nd amendment busting snowflakes, prompting Jay Feely to issue an apology saying that it was a joke.

Now, I can fully understand why some people might be slightly offended by the inference that Jay Feely might be threatening to use a gun to impose his influence over the outcome of his daughter’s prom.  On the other hand, I don’t think that there’s a father of teenage girls that didn’t secretly say to themselves, “Yeah…that’s right Jay.  You tell em!”. Listen, both of my oldest daughters are going to the prom this year.  And while I would love for them to have a great time, I don’t really want them to have too great of a time.  In fact, I would rather have them home by 7:30.  Sadly, I do not own a gun.  And so, the only real threat that I can make is to remind their dates that I have access to the area’s largest and most dangerous microphone.  And I am not above using it for my own devious thirst for revenge…because that, my friends, is what being the father of teenage girls is all about.

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