(By Baxie) For the first time in recorded human history, something from the country of France didn’t surrender to a well-organized European aggressor! (Okay, fine. France also won the World Cup in 1998. But that’s before anybody really gave a crap. It also would have taken something away from that great punchline, which I’ve been working on for the last 12 hours)
As I’m sure, you know by now, France was the winner of the World Cup by beating the Croatians, 4-2. I happened to watch the entire thing. I watched when that French guy kicked the ball to the other French guy. And then there was that other French who guy kicked the ball to the other French. Then something else happened and they kicked it out of bounds. It’s was mesmerizine!
In my opinion, the match was rather decisive. But for the Croatians, they’re bent out of shape that they were hit with a video-assisted penalty late in the first half that resulted in another French guy scoring off a penalty kicks and giving France the lead. The Croatians feel as though that decision robbed them of winning the match.
Here’s the thing. I don’t know what kind of math they’re teaching these kids in some of these Creation schools. But if you took away that one goal from the French, Croatia would still be one goal behind. Look at these figures:
4 goals – 1 goal =3 goals. And three is still more than 2. And if I’m the guy who has to sit here and give you rudimentary math instruction, then losing the World Cup is the least of your problems. The one bit of math that I am secure with is knowing that each one of these French guys gets to split their share of $38 million plus bonuses. Unfortunately, with the unfavorable exchange rates between the US Dollar and the Euro-based French economy, you’re going to be making approximately $6 million dollars less than if your entire team of French speaking Europeans were replaced by cold blooded Americans. And at that point, it’s almost not even worth winning at all. Which is the reason the American chose not to get involved. Plus, with the way the Russians hijacked our election, who needs the extra hassle?